One With Prussia
by Joanie Dark
Summary: An APH skit The Baltics are out on a mission to promote Russia, when our dear Oresama arrives...


This skit was going to be performed at Oni Con this year, but due to my lack of willing actors, and the fact that everyone who WAS willing wanted to be Prussia, I decided that this script was too fun to waste into nothingness without anyone to witness it. So enjoy and try to picture what it would have been like onstage X3

If anyone wants to perform it, please contact me 3 As long as I got a video and credit, I'd be more than happy.

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_Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia enter through the_

_crowd, passing out a few random pamphlets. They_

_adlib a few things about the campaign to "Become_

_one with Russia" They all seem a tad nervous. They_

_finally make it up to the stage and form a_

_half-circle, facing the audience._

LITHUANIA

(Brandishing a pamphlet and shouting to

the audience)

Become one with Russia! Accept the power of the

motherland into your life!

LATVIA

D-d-do you think that R-russia w-will think we're doing

a g-good job?

ESTONIA

We can only hope so. I'd hate to see his reaction

should he decide we're not up to par...

LITHUANIA

Don't worry about it, he'd take it out on me anyway...

(Walks downstage, leaning over to hand a

pamphlet to a girl near )

You, lady! Would you like to become one with Russia?

_The Soviet Anthem starts to play_

ESTONIA

Do you hear that?

LATVIA

(Looking around nervously)

I-it's Russia! O-oh no!

_The music grows louder as Russia marches on stage,_

_flanked by Ukraine and Belarus. They both carry_

_signs, and in addition Belarus carries her famous_

_knife. Russia simply carries his pipe, swinging it_

_cheerfully. Music fades out as Russia puts his arm_

_around Lithuania._

RUSSIA

You boys are working well, aren't you?

_Belarus raises her knife._

LITHUANIA

Ah...yes...

_Lithuania notices Belarus and shrugs off Russia's_

_arm. She drops her knife-hand down._

RUSSIA

(With very fake sadness)

Oh, Lithuania, why are you pulling away?

LITHUANIA

(Pointing at

Belarus)

I...

RUSSIA

(Seductive

tone)

You're being a bad

boy, aren't you?

LITHUANIA

No, really, I'm...

RUSSIA

Bad boys need to be

punished...

_Russia puts his pipe down, grabs Lithuania's hand,_

_and drags him off the stage. Belarus glares after_

_them._

BELARUS

If I ever get the chance, I'm going to...

UKRAINE

(Pats her sister on the shoulder)

There there, Bela, don't worry so much about all

this...I'm sure nii-san still loves you...

LATVIA

D-d-do you think L-liet's going to be ok?

ESTONIA

I do hope so...

_Prussia dances in, humming the pocky song and_

_dancing with two of the candy sticks. He is_

_totally oblivious of those around him: everyone_

_stares at him. Estonia shakes his head sadly._

_Suddenly Prussia bumps into Ukraine._

PRUSSIA

Ah! Hey, watch it, lady! Don't get in the way of

someone getting his groove on!

UKRAINE

Oh, I'm s-sorry,

Mister Prussia...

BELARUS

(Threatens with

knife)

Watch your manners

around a lady.

PRUSSIA

Rawr, fiesty! I like my women like my coffee, strong

and bold.

BELARUS

That's funny. I like my men like I like my meat. With a

knife in it.

_Latvia faints, dropping all his pamphlets._

ESTONIA

LATVIAAAAA!

UKRAINE

Oh, you've gone and terrified poor Latvia half to

death!

BELARUS

He'll live.

PRUSSIA

What are all these?

_Prussia rushes over and picks up a pamphlet_

PRUSSIA

Become one with...OH! You guys are proclaiming the

AWESOMENESS that is me to the world, aren't you! That's

great! There's nothing in here about my five meters

though...

(Jumps up and pulls out sharpie)

And you misspelled my name too! I can't believe it!

(Writes a big P on the pamphlet)

PRUssia, not RUssia...

ESTONIA

(Fanning Latvia with a pamphlet)

You dolt, we're not promoting YOU...

UKRAINE

Yes, the campaign's for nii-sa--

PRUSSIA

(Points accusingly at Ukraine's sign)

YOU! Breasty one! Your sign's written wrong too!

_Prussia grabs the sign while Ukraine still holds_

_it, protesting. He somehow manages to draw a big_

_squiggly P in front of the word Russia. Meanwhile,_

_Latvia comes to, and he and Estonia stare at_

_Prussia in horror._

PRUSSIA

There we go! It's all better now!

LATVIA

Y-y-you're going to re-regret that!

_Russia returns, dragging Lithuania in on a leash._

_The others stop their staring at the sign for a_

_moment to stare at Lithuania._

LITHUANIA

Don't. Even. Start.

_Belarus squeezes her sign so that it snaps, as if_

_in anger. Russia stares cooly at Ukraine's sign,_

_and then points at Prussia._

RUSSIA

Did you write on poor Ukraine's sign?

PRUSSIA

Che...yeah. What are you gonna do about it?

_Russia calmly kisses Lithuania on the cheek, then_

_leans over and picks up his pipe. He grins_

_menacingly, and Prussia takes a step back._

RUSSIA

Kolkolkolkolkolkolkol...

_Russia chases Prussia off the stage, swinging his_

_pipe around. Lithuania struggles with the collar_

_on his neck._

LITHUANIA

...Belarus? Honey? Can you help me with this?

BELARUS

(Sweetly)

Of course I can, dear.

_Belarus tugs sharply at the leash, strangling_

_Lithuania, and the scene ends._


End file.
